you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
