I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
