i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
