There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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