That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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