I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
i now understand why vodka
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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