he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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