Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
