he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
