Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
