In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Is Oprah even human
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
