only if we run a train.
done.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
