So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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