I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
me + whiskey = a bad person
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I supernannyed him into submission
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
