i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
