Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize