It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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