Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
