Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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