i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize