My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
