It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
