I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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