In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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