Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
