So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
so that wasnt chicken after all
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize