Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
