I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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