hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
