Dual....:-)
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
