But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
