just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
