no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The uberlube is also flammable
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
