Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
