i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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