So drunk, too bad you don't want this
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
