Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
