Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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