Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
