U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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