Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
