if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
