I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you inspire me to be a worse person
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize