Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
