im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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