i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
