So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
