Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
