i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
