One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
