I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
where are you?
Hypothermia
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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