Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
