dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize