just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
