If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
