Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
