and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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