so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
