I bet he comes in French.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
