i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
