dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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