This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
