We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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