Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
